Wednesday, 19 February 2014

" Daddy, Why Is Your Vagina So Big? "


Miss Amelie, recently three, and already the questions have started.

My daughters are completely relaxed about my bits and bobs. Not really noticing, and barely mentioning them in our little conversations.

But my husband. The only male in a household of four. Has been recently singled out for some very inquisitive stares, watching and questioning of late.

The kinds of questions that go right back to what makes a man, a man. A thing to be understood. If you can stretch your mind that far.

The trips to the toilet, which now involve two girls. One standing either side, looking up with great concentration, at this big vagina doing a wee.

"Daddy why do you still have your trousers on to do a wee?
Why are you standing up?
Daddy why is your vagina so big?
Why were you born with a penis?
Why don't you have a vagina?
Daddy why were you born a man?"

All this with my husband barely managing a trickle due to stage fright.

And then there's those larger philosophical questions.

"Daddy why do you like watching cricket?
Why are you sitting on your bum bum again on the couch?
Why did you just pop off on my bed? You should do your pop offs on the toilet.
Why is your bottom so big?
Why does your top lip have to be so scratchy sometimes?"

Watching him be the centre of so much questioning, has been incredibly amusing to listen to. But by no means do I consider myself out of the spotlight. It's only a matter of time. I'm sure my body will face plenty of criticism, and stares, as my daughters grow in to adolescents. And I know, by simply remembering the looks I gave, and questions asked of my Mum's naked form in the shower, that the level of observation and comparison, from a daughter to her Mother, might just be a little harsher than anything my husband has had to deal with.

Until then, I will continue to laugh quietly to myself, as I listen to my husband try to pee, whilst also explain some of the birds and the bees to Amelie. Oh and a Jessie who just likes to follow her older sister around and pretend she's a "big girl" in the know too.

Been on the end of your child's questioning about your bits and pieces yet?
Found it a little confronting?

35 comments:

  1. Lol. The pop off one made me laugh. Poor Daddy :)

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    1. Yes, he's quite under the spotlight at the moment!

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  2. Poor guy I know exactly how he feels, as the only female in our house. The other day my four year plainly stated "Mum, us boys have penises, what to you have? A hairy." He also askes if I could take off my boobies because they get in his way when he tries to cuddle me. I wish a could.
    So funny Carla. xx

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    1. That's so funny Kate!!! You'll have to remind him of his dislike of boobies when he gets a little bit older!!! x

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  3. How funny, but I do feel sorry for your bloke! One of mine (I can' t remember which child) asked me the other day: "mummy, why are your knickers so big?" Cx

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    1. Ha, I'm pretty sure I used to ask the same thing!!

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  4. Best post title ever! Gave me a laugh

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  5. SO funny! Poor daddy! Super cute Amelie! xx

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    1. Yes poor Daddy!! Thanks for your comment Pip x

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  6. hehehe - gave me a giggle! Good one!

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  7. hehehe! Gave me a giggle! Good One!

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  8. pahh, not laughing quietly too myself...laughing out loud! Brilliant. p.s also loved your comment on maxabellas 'overstyled' post.

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    1. oh yes I know the comment that you mean Andrea!!! xx

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  9. So funny! Poor Dad! Would love to know what his answers were to all those questions, would make a very funny follow-up Post :-) My Dad was also the only male in a house of 4 females...I do remember being completely fascinated with his body when I was little too...Mel x

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    1. oh 4 females, your poor Dad. My husband is wary of having any more in case we have a third girl!! He can only hold two shotguns at once apparently!!! x

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  10. Oh how gorgeous! Poor daddy. We have a good gender mix in this house but still we get all the questions. My three year old boy loves to shower with his nine year old sister, and the poor girl gets lots of questions she is barely equipped to answer herself. Great post! #weekendrewind

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    1. That would be an funny conversation to listen in to!!

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  11. Oh that is hilarious. I do remember my youngest saying ohhh Mummy you noodle fell off. I guess being in the same position as your hubby - outnumbered, it was expected haha xx

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  12. Haha, I love the questions. We have two girls and a boy and the things they come out with can be so funny.

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    1. They are so entertaining to listen too!!!

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  13. Being the only female in an all male house, I understand the questions. Agh!!!!

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    1. Oh no Pips. Hope they are gentle on you!!! x

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  14. So funny! Fergus is always proclaiming to anyone that will listen that "he has a doodle" and Daddy and Hamish, but that mummy and Maisie don't!!

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    1. haha, at least he has his facts correct!!!

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  15. I snorted diet coke out of my nose (as opposed to coke into my nose?) when I read your headline. Kids are gold! x

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    1. Amelie's at a great age for just saying and asking whatever it is she's thinking. It's hilarious! x

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  16. Kids are amazing - imagine being able to say ANYTHING that pops up in your head. We get lots of these questions, I've always been open and honest about body parts with my kids. I just don't like that they inform others of this information. Or sometimes the open honesty...walking behind a lady the other day when a certain someone pipes up with "why is that lady's bum so big?"...........I wanted to crawl into a hole! xo

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    1. Everything you say is so true Elaina. They can repeat all sorts of things when they shouldn't! Very embarrassing!

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  17. This is as adorable as it is funny! Haha. Love it.

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  18. Cute and adorable! I'm sure it will be your turn soon enough x

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  19. Ba ha ha! This is hilarious. My two have been asking me "Mummy - why do you have hair on your cha cha"? My response? To keep the flies away kids. lol. They even told a waitress in a cafe last week that mummy had hair on her cha cha. Kids are so damn innocent yet say the most inappropriate things at times. :)

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